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Bravery for facing the world- one day at a time

Welcome, this page is my personal venting zone for injustices, slights, rants, raves…whatever!  n addition to rambling, if you scroll to the bottom of the page. If you feel like you absolutely must do something about my intelligence/ignorance or tell me how much you love/hate me….you will find a link to email me on the last page.

What is a 5150?  Why do people automatically assume I am “crazy” just because I am ill??  I find it both amusing and a bit disheartening that the general public has no sensitivity towards mental illness, nor are they interested in learning more about this silent epidemic.  If you met me on the street you would never know I was sick!  I blend in fairly well with the rest of the world, however I have to frequently take breaks from you people!!  I have always been fairly creative, smart, and while not the most gregarious of people, have interacted with people on a normal level.  I have had panic attacks since I was twelve, however, I was only diagnosed with Schizophrenia, and bipolar disorder when I turned twenty five (my diagnosis has since been changed to PTSD and DID)!  I couldn’t believe it!  I was damn independent, had an education, and could foresee a semi-bright future.  I became really depressed out of nowhere when I turned twenty five.  I had been depressed before, but this was the blackest despair I could ever imagine.  I avoided everyone, and everything because my morose behavior would have sent off warning bells to my family or friends.  Then while crying my eyes out, I glimpsed something moving in my peripheral vision.  My eyes darted anxiously to the window, and a pale, version of death stared back at me.  The silence in my soul, was also broken as voices began talking to me out of nowhere!  Keep in mind I had never done mind altering drugs, because often it sounds like an acid trip might be similar to a psychotic episode (sounds scary, but really the name is misleading!).  At this point in time, I freaked out!  I was already feeling that suicide might be an actual option, and this just blew my mind.  What the hell was wrong with me??  I was scared to tell anyone, scared to death not to tell anyone, and plain scared that my world was not the same place anymore.  Talk about a fish out of water!  Anyway, if you would like to know more, please read my blog by clicking the link at the top of the page.  You would be surprised how many people you know have a mental illness, and are terrified you might judge them.  Since I am so open about it, I guess people feel more comfortable confiding in me.  I cannot tell you how many times I have been approached by frightened people.  In their confessions, I almost always hear the phrase, “please do not tell anyone.  I can’t let BLANK know.”  Of course I would never betray someone like that, but it’s just plain sad that we feel the need to keep hiding from “normal” society.  Your world would be so boring without our little idiosyncracies, our strange behavior (perhaps), or even some odd quirks here and there.  Please keep your mind open and you will be amazed out how the world appears to someone a little “different” from yourself!

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By Reindear

I am a Research Consultant who has worked with TIRR Memorial Herman, Baylor College of Medicine, Portland State University, University of Montana’s Rural Institute and Case Western Reserve. Our aim is to better the lives of people living with disabilities while utilizing the latest and greatest technology to achieve this.

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